This question has been on my mind more often recently, now that I have only about 2 weeks of my 4-month vacation left. Did I get smarter, healthier, happier in the process?
To be quite honest, I don’t know. As mentioned before, there was really no plan for this vacation – only to do whatever I have the energy for. Considering that the sabbatical followed months filled with work burnout and lifestyle-induced fatigue, it was great to just be able to stay in bed for like a week at a time. In fact that’s what I’ve been doing a lot lately.
Of course, I still managed to do quite a bit. Over 2 months in Tokyo full of activities and new people, a couple weeks in Bangkok not doing a single thing, a few visits to Singapore to see my friends and colleagues. Pretty fulfilling in terms of experiences, as well as learning a lot about myself. Ironically, I now have more questions than answers.
What I think I understand now
I still want to work – but much less
Over the past few years I’ve been noticing a lot of desperation across my peers, regardless of their professional situation. Considering that the COVID-19 pandemic started for many of us around the time we entered the labour market and the global politics/ economy have only gotten worse since, there is no shortage of pessimism no matter whom you ask.
People in corporate like me are increasingly tired of working bullshit jobs that barely provide any fulfillment to their lives. Fulfillment doesn’t usually pay bills though, so the employment is seen by many as means to getting closer to their dreams while having some hedge against surrounding chaos. That said, many people are still considering career change to avoid burnout.
As privileged as I am to work a job that I love, it was a very tiring working year leading up to this leave. Going forward, I’ll be aiming to downgrade from full-time to having fewer hours. The level of mental stimulation this job had given me before is absolutely unmatched and the manager I have is genuinely irreplaceable (🫶🏻), but I really need to start working less.
Finding a part-time remote job would be perfect considering I still aim for a digital nomad kind of lifestyle, unless my upcoming year in Berlin changes life dramatically (2026 is a wild year already so never know). Decoupling myself from the torture that is German bureaucracy while building extra sources of income (more on that below) is my main goal for this year.
Instagram is fine, but I still prefer less of it
I’ve also come to the conclusion that limiting social media use does not affect my screen time. Before going on the sabbatical I deleted my Instagram account, initially forever. No regrets considering I was worried about it hijacking my attention while being on holiday.
Instead, all this vacant screen time got replaced by other apps and I still had a lot of free time left. Some hours moved over to Facebook (local community and interest groups from back home in Estonia), some to LinkedIn (I use it to follow all kinds of news on legislation), and the rest was left for news apps that I’ve been reading before anyway. No time wasted.
My speed of reading books has not increased, my attention span has not improved. Fun activities like going to an arcade in Tokyo or chilling by a pool in Bangkok replaced work instead – exactly as intended.
I still needed my socials to stay in touch with friends. In fact, my absence from Instagram for a few months established quite quickly the difference between real and party friends to me. Much less noise in daily communication now that people you clearly don’t matter to won’t even bother to reach out.
When I moved to Berlin, the easiest way to keep up with local events and news (as well as to passively practice German) was by checking Instagram stories. In the past 4 months I’ve come to realise I still need the app for that, so I came back. Yet I aim to use it less, as I didn’t really miss it during my time off. Still I’d prefer doom scrolling on Instagram over Facebook any day.
Given our relationship with the US today, I hope we get a European alternative to Instagram (that people would actually bother using) soon. There is way too much extremist content posted, which is clearly boosted by the algorithm. Having such a powerful tool in the hands of an increasingly hostile country is very dangerous to the health of European minds.
Chilling alone isn’t always fun but I have priorities
Many people will know that I prioritise privacy and me time despite being a generally outgoing person. My social battery is always too low for someone extroverted – I do not know how I keep doing this. More often than not I’d prefer to either share an Instagram story or make a blog post like this one than explain something to new people all over again.
Take my time in Japan for example. After I joined a local table tennis club, I’d participate in it twice a week. Considering there would be new joiners pretty much every time, I’d have to recite this holy text at least twice per session every time I was being asked what I was doing in Tokyo:
So I actually came to Asia in August for work – my company has regional offices in Southeast Asia. After that I worked in Thailand remotely for a month and now I’m on a 4-month sabbatical. 2 or more of these I’m planning to spend in Japan but my base is in Bangkok due to the digital nomad visa. I’ll be back in Berlin sometime in February.
It’s a great privilege to be sharing something like this, but after like a dozen times you say this it just doesn’t feel exciting anymore. And it’s not like I can just reply I’m here on holiday because there will be follow-up questions. After all this we usually won’t even exchange LINE or Instagram accounts.
I hate small talk, but how do you make friends if you don’t go through it first? Socialising in Japan is pretty difficult if you don’t speak the language (and still you’d be left out as a foreigner sometimes), so I kept pushing ahead with talking to people. It really paid off as I made some good friends during my tenure in Tokyo. Otherwise it would’ve felt very lonely.
What I need to understand better
How I should be making a living from now on
Considering what I wrote above, I’m glad to be back at work next month. I’m also realistic about the fact it won’t last forever. Luckily I’ve had some free time lately to work on some next steps and a bit of experimentation.
Back in October I started an Estonian-based business (in the form of an osaühing or an LLC). It is common practice in Estonia to manage personal investments via a company, as it brings certain tax benefits. I have three goals with this project:
Number 1: Have a taxable income source that you can use for social security contributions while not being employed at a traditional 9-5. Basically what it means is that I want to be able to pay myself a salary and keep access to things like healthcare insurance and pension (we get to pick pension funds based on risk and projected yield in Estonia, here’s more about the II pillar).
Number 2: Contribute to the Estonian economy while spending more time abroad. Though I never stopped paying taxes since moving to Berlin, I could definitely give more. I owe my success to this country, its system, my family and friends who still live there. I’m still not ready to commit to that place fully though – there’s just so much to do outside of the country.
Number 3: Avoid unnecessary bureaucracy. German institutions are not allowed in some cases to use emails, citing data privacy. No chance of proper digital nomad life as long as you need a mailbox for paper letters. There’s a good reason why the Estonian e-residency program targets German-based entrepreneurs, as those who have lived there will know.
I started my company within a day from a hotel room in Kyoto, made the necessary payments and had my bank account set up and ready on the next day. Having owned companies in Estonia before, I know that accounting and taxes will be just as smooth sailing as these first steps. Everything online, no need for expensive phone calls from abroad or figuring out postal stamps.
After that I experimented with some trading platforms that offer corporate accounts (I’ve only done retail before) and made some conclusions as to which ones I can afford to pay fees and commissions to. I also made one major investment recently using this new company, but that deserves a separate blog post some time later.
Now that some kind of framework for me to reach the above mentioned three goals is in place, I don’t need much time outside of my 9-5 to maintain and improve it. Let’s see if it turns into a viable alternative in a year or so.
Am I having too much privilege?
Having been born to a middle-class family during Estonia’s transition to a market economy, I still witnessed a lot of poverty and misfortune around. The school I went to was literally falling apart and there was maybe 8-9 out of 20 students in my class who still had both parents in their families. On top of that, most of my community didn’t even speak the local language.
Fast forward 20 years or so, and now I have all these win-win options to look at. Just today I was indirectly accused of not being able to commit to life-changing decisions, and indeed some recent experiences have led me to think the same. The problem of choice is very much real, and the bar for me to start committing to something keeps getting higher.
Going on sabbatical leave for 4 months while a lot of people worldwide struggle with inflation and housing costs clearly contribute to the dissonance. It really is true that early good decisions compound with time, but none of that would’ve happened if I wasn’t lucky.
The thing is – I’m not hot shit. There are many good reasons for others to think of me as entitled, and they would be right. More often than not I cannot help it – not because I’m afraid of commitment, but because I know I won’t deliver. While it is a privilege to have long-term plans in today’s world, I just know when some potential commitment doesn’t fit them.
And when it comes to feelings – I cannot plan those. Sadly when I occasionally do have feelings, those aren’t reciprocated. Tough luck but not a reason to be more mad at the world. There’s plenty of looking inwards to be done anyway as I’ve hurt some people, and I’ll also be figuring out my problems of choice in the meantime.
Has the “20s in Berlin” lifestyle finally gotten old?
A very timely question considering I just turned 29 last month. Something I’ve been wondering about ever since going on this long voyage. Raves and other ways of hedonism still seem very appealing, but can I handle them?
Back in August, my first stop before going to Asia was a brief vacation on Madeira, an island that is part of Portugal. For many years now I’ve been coming to this island, gauging whether a remote work life there will fit my needs to do cool things. While I no longer feel like being cool, I definitely don’t want to be boring either, so it might be time to consider this option.
Berlin certainly fits the cool things criteria, but as years go by my lifestyle preferences tend to shift from Gen Z towards Millennial things. As someone born between the two generations it’s been easy to go back and forth, but I just keep having less energy as I’m about to enter my 30s.
What I do know for sure, is that after almost half a year away from Berlin I miss it dearly. I miss my friends, my hobbies, my wonderful neighbourhood and the insanity that surrounds it all.
I see 2026 to be a make-or-break year for me in so many aspects. Of course, the powers that be can finally make all hell break loose in my region and I end up somewhere in a trench near Narva, but I prefer to focus on making the most out of life in the meantime. Now the goal is to keep fewer options while making meaningful choices. Happy to know I’m not stuck.